2nd September 2010

Catalogue > Humour

Swinesend: Britains Greatest Public School

Locker, Dornan & Owens

This savagely funny satire of British public-school life will do for private education what Molvania did for guide books.

Swinesend, hallowed public school and much loved home to all sorts of boys (and now, girls), has long gone unnoticed by Britain’s authorities. But thanks to this biting guide, those not lucky enough to attend this extraordinarily preserved school can now experience for themselves the life of a Swinesian.

The reader will quickly learn what a crucial role tradition plays in such an ancient establishment. Pupils are still encouraged to keep up customs such as ‘Toasting the Simpletons’ and ‘Steg Burning’, whilst the schoolmasters alternately occupy their young charges with hours of wanton violence and extreme boredom.

For those parents who are keen to develop their children’s potential beyond the academic, pupils are encouraged to try activities considered too sophisticated by other schools. Alternative sports like hackers and cage fighting are open to all, whilst the more culturally inclined can join the Combined Cadet Force Marching Band (described by judges in one recent competition as ‘a musical form of shock and awe’).

Adults and children alike will appreciate the quality of an education that is quite literally unavailable anywhere else in the world.

About the authors

Locker (Stamford, shot for the School V I I I );

Dornan (Uppingham, House Prefect);

Owens (Brentwood, finalist, Public Schools Fencing Championships).

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