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Ring Ring:
29 July 2009
'Can I speak to your Lean Coordinator or your Human Resources Development Officer?'I can't help it. I begin to giggle.
'Our what?'
She laughs too.
'If you don't have one of those it would be the person who deals with Health and Safety.'
Erm, well we don't formally have anyone who does that either. It's a small company.
'What about Health and Safety signage - who looks after that?'
I have no idea what she means by signage. Is it the green thing with a man running above the only door in or out that says FIRE EXIT? In any case nobody looks after it.
She hangs up.
Another one down.
Just call me Marion the Telesales Slayer.
Posted by Writer in Residence at 11:49 AM
"Yes, hello, I want to speak to someone about writing to Joan Bakewell."
"You can write to Joan care of us and we'll happily forward it on."
"Well, I've sent her a letter, signed for."
"Lovely, we'll be sure to pass that on."
"I want to know whether it's arrived."
"Ah, I'll ask the press assistant, if you let me know your name."
"Well, no, I only sent it this morning."
"In that case, what is your question exactly?"
"I want to find out when it's arrived."
"Why don't you ring back in a day or so, and check in with us?"
"It's just that I've already sent it."
"I'm very sorry to be so dense, but what exactly is your question?"
"Well, my question is, who do I need to speak to find out if it has arrived?"
"The press assistant. In a few days' time."
"Well, that's fine then."
Abrupt hanging up of receiver.
...
Well. That's fine then. What is it that makes people think that receptionists are a) clairvoyant b)contemptibly feeble-minded and can't answer the simplest of questions c) anyone who happens to pick up the phone is a receptionist, ergo a) and b)?